Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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