I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
