There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize