We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
