Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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