Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
