He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Boobs are out for the taking
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
