I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
