I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
