you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
