lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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