I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
