Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize