I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize