if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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