we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
