at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
