im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
