im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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