I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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