Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
