Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
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just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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