He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
