You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
