I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
