well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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