I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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