you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
