I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
