Betty ford says i'm here all night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
