I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
