I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
