i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
