There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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