my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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