I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
