We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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