So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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