Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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