Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
