her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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