his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
