I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
