I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
