We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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