I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
