he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
