you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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