im drinking this country out of the recession.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
