I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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