Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
