I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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