flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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