I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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