I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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