just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
