my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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