I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
