you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
