Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
