By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
