He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
