Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
