hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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