i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
